and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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