can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
