didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
