Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
