my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
