pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
