I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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