I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
