She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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