What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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