I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
