Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
