This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
