and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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