Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize