fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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