3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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