My friends, they love my intelligence
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
