I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
