Hey man sorry I got all grabby
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
