Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
