That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
