Tell her she can't have a vagina
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
