Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize