Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
