Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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