She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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