I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
