cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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