My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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