Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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