My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize