Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
