apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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