My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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