I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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