Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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