Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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