Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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