Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So here I am, sexting at work.
tell me about the fingering
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