I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
