Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
