I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
