Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
