so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
