I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
