If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
