I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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