It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
