I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I need to align my fucking chakras
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
