shes about as inviting as chlamydia
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
