Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
