You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
