Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
where are my eyebrows?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
