What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
