the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
