i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
operation have a gay friend backfired
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
