Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Randomize
