U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Randomize
