did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
