What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
