So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
