I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
